The Desire
My second child, then 8 years old, is a social butterfly. The idea of going to a real school, with “real” kids every single day sounded so exciting! And how could anyone not want to go and play on the playground next to the school? After a lot of begging, we decided to allow her to give it a try. But we agreed on a timeline: 4 weeks. She would have to attend school for 4 weeks, no matter what and during that time, we would simply think about it. At the end of the four weeks, we would all sit down as a family and decide if it should be permanent or not.
Preparing
Getting ready wasn’t easy. We had to obtain vaccine records, fill out a ton of paperwork both online and in person, and talk things over with several people. The most difficult part was how much those different people tended to disagree with each other. We were told a list of school supplies we needed so we purchased them. Then we found out that our local school actually provides everything and doesn’t want or need the kids to have their own supplies.
No one seemed to know what grade she would end up in. While I was afraid that the second-grade curriculum may be too easy for her (as she was reading on a fifth-grade level at the time), one staff member indicated that they would probably move her down to first grade because they were sure she would have “gaps” in her education.
It was agreed that they would put her in second grade to start, and then would do testing the first week of school to see if she “should” stay there, or move down a grade. I asked if she did well if she could be moved up a grade and was told that that wouldn’t be a good idea because she was already so small for her age.
So finally we got the paperwork and everything else done and she was officially enrolled. We got her bus schedule and her masks (yep, this was during the fun of COVID) and we were ready.
The First Day
The first day was full of excitement! Kirsten couldn’t wait to get on the bus! About two minutes after it was supposed to arrive, here it came! And there it went, without stopping! Confused, and disappointed, none of us knew what to do. As my husband prepared to drive her, a different bus pulled up and stopped. Apparently, the first bus we had seen was the high school bus. We had never asked or been told a bus number she should ride so we hadn’t even considered there would be more than one.
She happily got onto the bus and I prayed she would have an amazing day.
Later, when the bus pulled up, she was so excited to tell me everything that had happened. There were friends she knew from playing softball, and playing at the park. She got to have recess. And, the best part? They had an awesome dessert!
Then she said, “Oh yeah, and this is for you,” and she hands me yet another mountain full of paperwork that had to be returned the next day. After only two hours of being home, she collapsed onto the couch and fell asleep. She was exhausted.
Conflict and Disappointment
As time went on, things weren’t quite as glamorous as the first day. She greatly enjoyed spending time with her friends and eating dessert, but we started hearing more and more complaints. They “taught something else I already know about!” Or “They said we couldn’t have recess because the playground was too wet.” She couldn’t get the book she wanted from the library because she hadn’t read all the first and second-grade books in the library already. Everyone else had a tablet but hers wasn’t ready yet so she was getting left out of assignments.
One day, she came home in tears. She had taken out a book she had brought from home to read while on the bus and one of her friends had seen it and taken it from her saying, “You can’t read books that big! If I can’t read them, I know you can’t!” She then threw the book onto the floor of the bus. At that moment, the bus stopped abruptly and the book flew toward the back of the bus. She asked the driver if she could get it but he got upset with her for yelling so she sat in silent tears the rest of the drive. We never did get the book back.
After the second week of school, I realized I still never heard anything about the testing so I asked about it. The office staff told me I wouldn’t be able to see the results. I reached out to someone I knew who worked at the school and asked if I could at least find out if Kirsten got to stay in second grade or not. She asked around and told me that while she doesn’t know the scores, it was very clear that Kirsten did extremely well and her teachers were extremely surprised at how well she had done. So she would not be moving down a grade.
During this third week of school, homework started coming home. Kirsten laughed when she took out the pages. “Do I really have to do this?” She asked with skepticism. You see, while homeschooling, I often let my kids skip work if they can prove they already understand the concept. And this work was definitely something she understood. Of course, I had to explain that in school, you have to do all of it. She laid it on the table and went to the restroom. When she returned, her kindergarten-age sister was doing the work for her correctly.
“See?!” She yelled, “Why should I do it when Makayla can do it!? It’s too easy!”
Schedules Are Hard
As we got closer to the end of the first month, the complaints became more and more often. There was a child on the morning bus who regularly pushed the “little kids” onto the floor. So Kirsten made herself their protector and hardly a morning went by without her getting pushed or yelled at. But she didn’t mind because she’d rather get pushed than the kindergarteners.
She also started struggling more and more with early wake-ups. Getting up, dressed, eating breakfast, and heading to the bus stop two hours before her sisters even got out of bed was difficult. It was hard for me and her daddy too. While he nor I said anything, by the beginning of the fourth week, we were really having a hard time.
Worse than getting up, having to change family life to meet a public school schedule was becoming challenging. We couldn’t go play at the park after lunch because we had to make sure we were back in time for the bus. We couldn’t take a mini-vacation when Daddy had a few days off because, “Kirsten has to go to school.”
The Tears
Tuesday of the fourth week of school, when it was time for bed, Kirsten started crying. She didn’t want to go to bed. When I asked what was going on, she broke down completely into sobs. She started telling me how she was tired and she didn’t want to go to school tomorrow. When I asked why, she told me she hated getting up early, hated riding the morning bus, and was tired of recess getting canceled. She took a deep breath and looked at me, “I know I still have to finish this week, but I really don’t want to.”
I wrapped my arms around her, “I’m really proud of you for trying it. You’ve done really well. If you don’t think school is right for you, we can put you back into homeschooling and you won’t need to go back to school. But only if you’re sure that’s what you want.”
She released my embrace and looked at me with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen her from her, “Really? You mean it?!” I told her we’d have to check with Daddy but I thought it would be all right.
Her dad was relieved to be able to sleep in the next morning. So that night we went to sleep. In the morning, we filled out the homeschool notice of intent, and said goodbye to the public school world.
The Take-Away
While public school was an interesting experience, it opened our eyes to a lot of things. The disorganization was a big surprise to us. It seemed no one quite knew what was going on. I was not impressed with the lack of communication, either. Despite reaching out to Kirsten’s teacher three times during that four week period, my calls and emails were never returned. I never got my questions answered about some pretty important matters (such as which grade she would be staying in).
We also noticed a lot of changes in her thoughts and behaviors. My little girl came back after a month of school with a strong desire for a boyfriend and privacy which had never been mentioned before. She became much more concerned with her appearance and what others think about her. She suddenly needed certain brands of things and wasn’t happy without them.
I was also not happy with the discouragement to read higher levels books, and with the extremely easy homework she was being sent home with.
Despite all of these challenges, she had mentioned lately that she would like to try again, because having dessert every day was awesome! But upon remembering that going to school means missing out on our co-op, play dates, and other activities, she tends to recall why she wanted to quit last time and we continue on with our days.
Overall, Daniel and I have decided that we probably aren’t going to try public school anymore, at least not for a while. The lack of organization, supervision, communication, freedom, and academic success has shown us that public school is not for our family.